Sister Dottie S. Dixon

Lawsie kid, the holidays have just got me spent.   Jist last Sundee, I was asked to give a lesson in Release Society about the dangers of materialism during the Holidays. So many of our members are seduced by the things of this world.  And it was so well-received that I thought I should also share with all my fans!

Firstly, I am so grateful fer the entravenarial spirit of sa many Marmons.  Free-Market Capitalism has made it ever sa much easier to spread the Gospel.  And with sa many Marmon themed products on the market, we can now more easily live IN the world and not be OF the world.  Here are the products that I’m excited about this year (with special thanks to little Danny Thomas fer his inspired recommendations!)

Firstly, (and not ta be self-promotin’ er nothing), but if you are still struggling with the perfect upliftin’ and spiritchual gift ta give a loved one, might I suggest a pair of TICKETS to THE PASSION this January?

If you’ve already gotcher tickets, then might I suggest the 20^th Anniversary Buttercream Gang DVD on Blue Ray? That’s right.  Remember years ago when the Feature Films fer Family had all them tele-marketers outa Provo callin’ ya to buy wholesome G rated films that Hollywood refused ta make?  Well, hell, I was a sucker fer the whole lot!  And now with this special DVD in High Def, you can relive the adventures of them adorable Buttercreamers!  It’s certainly held up over the years.

Now the new technology that parents are excited about is the Mormon Smart Phone.  This will prevent yer teenage kids from “sexting” each other while at Church!  Lawsie, what kids get up to!  It also has a special app called “Modar” which will locate the nearest wardhouse or Chuck-A-Rama.  And when you have ta travel OUT of Utah County inta THE WORLD, fear not, it will also alert you to any fellow Marmons who might also be shopping near you in the state liquor store! Oh! Oh! I’m also excited about the new Klean Kindle. This is a handheld computer that let’s you can read G rated versions of any book ya want from Twilight ta Lady Chatterly’s Lover!  Love it!

There are several new video games fer the Mormon gamer community.  Mo Tab Rock Band has bin flying off the shelves at the Springville Wal-Mart.  It comes complete with organ keys that you have ta follow along on yer TV.  I tried ta Rock Out to “How Great Thou Art” but couldn’t get past the first level.  Also popular this season is Grand Theft Mormo – where a smarmy ward-member invests yer money in a pyramid scheme and takes off with all yer savings!  You then chase him all over St. George and Zions.  Warning: This can get violent – the graphics are VERY realistic!

And how I love the many clean and wholesome LDS themed films that are everywhere now! The favorites I’ve seen recently are Last Tango in Nauvoo – which despite it’s G rating was STILL very provocative.  I also liked Fear and Loathing in Manti. It made me think.  And of course all the kids LOVE the LDS animated fantasy adventure, The Clone Wards!

It’s jist sa wonderful to have sa many products that remind us all of the spirichtual nature of our faith.  That’s what Christmas is all about kid!  I hope yer holidays are full of love, happiness and a stocking full of Spirichual Gifts and Accessories!  Bye fer now!